I’m Charlotte Lidstone, founder and money coach @ The Family Money Coach. I help new and expectant parents to “baby-proof” both their budget and their relationship. I do this by helping new mums and dads (and parents-to-be) talk about what they want their family future to look like; and how to use their current financial arrangements to achieve those visions.
Why is that important?
More than ever before couples are financially independent of each other before they have a baby. It’s increasingly likely that before we have children, two partners in a couple will both work and have their own incomes. You might share joint bills; or you might prefer to retain financial autonomy to allow you to spend as you like on your priorities. However you currently manage your money pre-children, one thing is certain:
Having a baby will create a change; a transition in your relationship and in the way that you use your finances.
In the past, your focus is likely to have been on either yourselves as individuals, or as a couple; and your spending and saving habits will have reflected that. Yet having children will alter that natural state, as for both of you –Â the priority will now be on your child. You will find yourselves thinking (and possibly worrying) about what kind of lifestyle you want to provide for your children, how to afford it, what to buy (or not to buy).
Along with all of those changes and feelings come an increase in the costs for your new family. There will be the costs of simply having a baby, setting up a nursery, clothes, nappies etc. But in addition, there might be a drop in income for one or both of you as you manage parental leave, or as you struggle to answer the questions about work – whether to carry on and how; along with the shock of experiencing the huge costs of professional childcare.
My clients come to me for help with those conversations. For help communicating with each other about their “family future finances”. Whatever financial arrangements you have had pre-children and before you had a baby; they are likely to change once your children arrive. That change can, and likely will, feel daunting and overwhelming. You might worry about the extent of the sacrifices that you will make post-baby.
I’ve been there. I felt pulled in two opposite directions when my baby was born –having the desire to stay at home with my daughter and focus solely on being the best parent that I could be, in the way that I wanted; but I also struggled with guilt and anxiety.
I felt guilty for wanting to carry on having my own income, guilty for not wanting to feel reliant on my partner, and anxious about having to say any of that out loud. I struggled to talk about the kind of family life that I wanted us to have because I didn’t really know what life I wanted – whether I wanted to go back to work, stay at home, do something completely different. My partner, as it turns out, shared all of those worries too – but also didn’t know how to talk about them to me.
All of this meant that we didn’t have any “real” conversations about what our family life was going to look like for a long time – and every time that we did, we fought. We fought because we each felt insecure, vulnerable, and nervous about saying what we really wanted to happen, in case the other one didn’t agree; or worse, in case we couldn’t financially afford to make it happen.
So I created The Family Money Coach.
My money coaching service exists so that you and your partner don’t have to go through the same worries and anxieties that we did about planning for your lives post the arrival of Baby. My service exists to provide a calming, safe and understanding space for you to both explore what you want your family life to look like; be that in respect of work, childcare, schooling or your general lifestyle; and then to help you both collaborate with each other to craft a bespoke financial strategy to realise that family vision.
If you would like to perfectly tailor your finances to fit around your new family, then get in touch with me.
I’m Charlotte, The Family Money Coach.
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